The Alchemist & Julius Caesar

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The Alchemist
Throughout my Alchemist essay, I focus on my clear topic, most of the time, supporting it with my writing, although I sometimes go into the plot, but only to support my idea and topic. With the details and evidence I provide, I show that I know the topic well enough to be able to explain it thoroughly. 'In the Alchemist, Santiago, a young shepherd, leaves his home in Andalusia to sell wool to a merchant. But this trip to the village is different from the others because he’s been having the same dream for two days in a row now. He dreams of a treasure, supposedly waiting for him at the Great Pyramids of Egypt.' In my intro paragraph, I provide a brief introduction of Santiago, the protagonist in Paolo Coelho's 'The Alchemist', but I still clearly present the topic of the essay, as well as explanations of my quotations...."After Santiago was attacked, one of the refuges told him that he once dreamt of a treasure, hidden in the roots of a sycamore tree in a ruined church. After he was attacked ‘...The boy stood up shakily and looked once more to the Pyramids. They seemed to laugh at him, and he laughed back, his heart bursting with joy. Because now he knew where his treasure was.’ (155). Without his optimism, Santiago wouldn’t have been able to visualize himself achieving his destiny, which would’ve pulled him back from achieving his destiny, and the difficult obstacles waiting for him."


To improve my Alchemist essay, I could have included interesting and relevant details to get the reader more engaged and interested. I sometimes included details, but not enough to explain my ideas as clear as possible.


In terms of organization, my essay is structured well enough to make the writing flow. I begin with a hook to grab my reader's attention...'I learned that the world has a soul, and that whoever understands that soul can also understand the language of things. I learned that many alchemists realized their destinies, and wound up discovering the Soul of the World, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Elixir of Life. But above all, I learned that these things are all so simple they could be written on the surface of an emerald.’ (Coelho 79) In the Alchemist, Santiago, a young shepherd', followed by a brief intro, giving the reader an idea of what the book is about, and also what this essay will be about. In the end of my intro paragraph, I include a thesis statment to 'kick off' my essay. 'Santiago travels through the desert, achieving his destiny, with optimism, bravery, and determination.'


For every body paragraph, I open it by including clear topic sentences...."Santiago’s optimism helps him achieve his destiny in many ways." (topic sentence of body paragraph 1)

Julius Caesar: Characterization Essay
My Julius Caesar essay demonstrates good ideas when focusing on the character I chose. Although I could've shown better strength in explaining my ideas to the best way possible, as I didn't provide enough info to support my ideas and content. Overall, I was able to provide enough information to send out a clear enough message to the readers, as I didn't explain the context of my quotes. Caesar is chosen as king, Rome will suffer greatly. “I, as Aeneas, our great ancestor, did from the flames of Troy, the old Anchises bear. So from the waves of Tiber, did I the tired Caesar. And this man is now become a god… (pg 34)”

My essay was organized well as I did include all things needed (EX: Thesis Statement.) In my body paragraphs, I payed attention to the thesis statement, and building on my ideas, from the thesis statement.

Thesis Statement: Although the act seemed patriotic to the conspirators, Cassius's hidden anger and envy drove him into the assassination of the ambitious Julius Caesar". With my thesis statement, I wrote my body paragraphs, focusing on the anger & envy that Cassius showed throughout the play. To improve on my organization, I could provide clearer thoughts, rather than including ones as I go (not planned well). I have shown improvement between the Alchemist essay and the Julius Caesar essay through my effort and organization. I have put effort to produce a better essay, through my writing skills.

Improvement
I improved on my organization, as I used my essay planner more efficiently, whereas I didn't really plan my Alchemist essay.


Communicate Effectively
Throughout writing essays, I have to communicate effectively to send the clearest message possible to my readers. I have to use all six traits of writing, although I could be assessed on only three.